The One True Religion

And I’m not talking about any of the usual suspects.  I’m speaking of the Religion of the Left.  The Religion of the Atheist Humanist progressive.  I speak of course of the Religion of Godvernment.

“WHAT!” the Humanist Athiest Progressivist Leftists (HAPL) cry in self rightlefteous indignation.  “We do not believe in the existence of a god.  We are above such things.  We are what We have been Waiting for.  We do not believe in mythical beings.”

“Are you sure?  Don’t you believe that if a sparrow falls to Earth, the government should put it on the Endangered Species List?  That if you are afflicted, the government should heal you with National Health Service?  That the government should take care of the poor, yet make it easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get a tax exemption?  That men are ruled by the stars and starlets but government rules the stars, and their directors and producers?  That government has the power to raise or lower the oceans and cool or warm the Earth.  That the government can stop earthquakes and volcanoes by appeasing Mother Gaia?  That government can provide light without actually generating energy?”

“These are not beliefs of a religion!  Government (may peace be upon it) is simply the Will Of The People.”

“What people?”

“The Important People!  Those who are incapable of human frailty.  You know…Progressives, Democrats, graduates of Ivy League schools and anyone who criticizes George Bush or Sarah Palin.”

“Who said they are incapable of human frailty?”

“The Heralds!  The Daily Herald.  The Miami Herald.  The Boston Herald.”

“But aren’t they just examples of democrats reporting favorably about other democrats?”

“NO!  They are Journalists.  They are above petty human biases.  They say so themselves.  Therefore it has to be true.  They would not write it if it was not true.  The government would strike them down if they did.”

“But why would the government strike down a journalist if they lied to make the government look better?”

“If it makes the government looks better, it is not a lie.  That is the Truth.”

“But how do you know?”

“Because we have Faith.”

“Our Government, which art in Washington,
hallowed be thy name;
thy Administration come;
thy will be done,
in Main Street as it is in Harlem.
Give us this day our daily government cheese.
And forgive us our trespasses,
because property rights are anti-revolutionary.
And lead us not from temptation;
but deliver us from responsibility.
For thine is the administration,
the party, and the bail out,
For ever and ever.
Amen.”
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