I’VE GOT IT! LET’S BAIL OUT EVERYTHING!
And I’m not talking about mere money. I’m talking about the getting down to the deep philosophical core of Bailoutapalooza. Punish success and reward failure on steroids applied to everything.
Congress should pass laws to regulate everything (because they will anyway) so that in any competitive venture, the winner has to give all his winnings to the looser.
Imagine how much better baseball would be if Congress passed a law so that everytime a team gets a runner to home plate, the other team gets a run. This would prevent the scoring team from profiting undeservedly from their accomplishment. The World Series would be played by the two teams that couldn’t score a run to save their lives. Who wouldn’t enjoy that? All the teams that worked so hard to actually get runners around the bases could bask in the sense of wellbeing brought about by knowing that they had helped send the disadvantaged (excuse me, the run challenged) to the winner’s circle.
But what would keep just anybody from playing professional baseball then? We have to limit participation because if anybody can play and get free runs from the other teams, whose going to pay the professionals? The answer to that is simple. In order to participate in this new socialy enlightened baseball league, you have to tithe your local congresscritter.
Yes, this will fix everything. Now let’s all sing, “What a wonderful world it will be…”